Amelia Draws

In the evening I sit and remember the day. As I do this I call the good elements forward, front and centre, the bits worth holding on to.

I have been doing this practice most days for over ten years, both in the evening and during the moments of the day. It’s what many call a gratitude practice. I found that by practicing over and over for a long enough time it has become a dependable way to feel ease. I find I can shift to a more pleasant state to sit within, one with a little more hope and contentment.

People with mental illnesses are encouraged to do it, to sit in the grim state of our mind and write 3 things we are grateful for. In my experience this practice doesn’t have that much effect on the actual moment of illness. Instead it can feel empty of impact and promise, can rub salt on the wound, it can bring forth guilt. Or finding something to be grateful for simply cannot be accessed in the bleak cynacism of our hurt body.

I know trying to write or think about good things, things to be thankful for, can be deeply painful when we are unwell. Thankfulness is not always a balm and it takes faith to keep this practice up.

But, consitently practicing it, forcing ourselves to acknowledge one good thing, over and over, helps immensely with recovery when it comes. When one’s brain starts to unclench the gratitude practice is there waiting to help with the next challenge: healing.

Healing is not linear. It swings madly from poor states to good. Having developed a practice of acknowledging the positive helps me see and feel and trust the good things that are now happening. As the dark of illness abates one has the practice of finding joys to fill that empty space between ill health and recovery.

Over the years my practice has gone from being a dot point list I wrenched from my heart to the page. To now, where it peppers my day with minor and major joys bubbling up to the surface, dancing about to be seen and acknowledged. To be added to the experience of the day. This is a comfort, it is pleasant and it makes my life that little bit more liveable.

The weight, merit and understanding of why and how these practices work has been gutted by the wellness industry and pseudo psychology. Co-opted by capitalism, reduced to memes. Sold as an instant cure. Packaged as twee and cutesy. That in itself creates cynacism towards the practice, a reticence to buy into that bullshit.

When in reality the little gesture of finding thanks in our day can be a determined act of resistance.

A small, ‘irrelevant’ little habbit can grow to be strong tool. Which from my experience is, definitely worth it. Do it your own way, a way sympathetic to where your well being is. Write it, say it aloud or just think it. Start with one thing and as your skill builds keep the list going as long or as little as you like. It’s a small if not always easy tool to add to the toolkit of mental health survival and recovery.

It’s also a very valuable cognitive excersize which is a bonus goodness